A) A corner fifth-floor apartment with lots of windows, but very small, cramped rooms. It's in a fairly affluent neighborhood, but I'd have to walk by a huge vacant lot and over a bridge over a long-deserted railroad to get home every night, which would make me nervous. I know I make a full-time job out of being irrationally paranoid, but I will never shake the feeling that rapists, serial killers, and other Very Bad, Creepy People love hanging out in vacant lots and on deserted bridges. On the other hand, one more (long) block and it's beautiful mansions. One more (long) block after that, and it's a pretty bustling area with a lot of banks, bakeries, a couple of pharmacies, etc. About an eight-minute walk to the nearest subway station, but it's a low-traffic one without an express train.

And this should be irrelevant, but the broker is kind of defensive whenever I ask her a question, which makes me rather not want to pay her well over a thousand dollars in broker's fees.

B) A generously-sized, beautifully laid-out second-floor studio in a good neighborhood. It's in much better condition, with good floors and a recently renovated kitchenette. Only a three-minute walk to the nearest subway, and there's an express train. Broker is not pushy at all, which I like, and the fee is only one month of rent. The rent itself is about ten dollars cheaper, and they include cooking gas, which would save me about $20 a month. I like the space much better than the first one. However, it is much darker than the first one, because there's only one real window--and this window, though large, is heavily gated and lets in little light. And THAT is because it overlooks the long, flat garage roof, which has a nice, sturdy stairway down to street level, so I might as well put a welcome mat outside the window for rapists and serial killers. (Sure, there's this excuse for a fence, but it's pathetically made out of thin strips of plywood, half of which are already kicked in. *I* could kick down the remaining boards in minutes, and I haven't kick-boxed in years. (Note: the fence partly belongs to the orthodontist's office and partly to the vacant apartment building next door, so it's not really the super's fault. The portion of the fence that belongs to him is a very impressive and imposing one of tall iron bars, but you know how a chain is only as strong as the weakest link?)

Seeing fresh graffiti on the orthodontist's office was not reassuring. The aforementioned vacant apartment building is in terrible shape (pile and piles of litter all over, broken windows, crumbling facade, etc.). Aesthetics aside, that's a safety issue, too. If that building were inhabited, it might deter at least SOME criminals from strolling up the roof and knocking on my window.

But even with all that, I still want the second apartment more. It's in a slightly busier area, and well, if I have to face a serial killer, I'd rather face it inside an apartment building where I can run and scream for help, as opposed to outside, by a vacant lot, with no one around for a block.

Now, imagine having to hear all of that incessantly and unrelentingly, and listening to me change my mind after every other sentence, and you will understand how delightful my company has been this weekend.

And there is nothing that withers my mood as quickly as having to suffer fools on the phone. I am anti-social.

I.e., what I heard on the phone five minutes ago: "I just got an e-mail inviting me to register for your event, but I clicked the link to go to your website and it just took me to your website. It didn't register me."

Me: "Well, why don't you click the 'register' link on the website and register that way?"

Him: "Oh, ok. I think I get it now."

And yesterday, this idiot girl called, asking about our "conference on the 17th".

Me: "Our job fair is on the 4th."

Her: "No, it's on the 17th."

Me: "It's this Friday. It's on the 4th."

Her: "I SAW YOUR WEBSITE AND IT'S ON THE 17TH. ARE YOU NOT LISTENING TO ME? CAN'T YOU HEAR ME?" Me: "Umm, are you sure you have the right number? I'm talking about the Asian Diversity Career Expo on the 4th." Her: "NO! YOUR EVENT IS ON THE 17TH!!!" *CLICK*

Five minutes later, "Hi, I'm calling about your event on the 17th."

Me (sweetly): "Did we get disconnected earlier?"

Her: "Oh, yeah, sorry about that. So, I wanna know about your event on the 17th. I see it on your website."

Me: (giving up) "All right. What exactly does it say?"

Her: (reads off description of event on our community events calendar, hosted and run by DIFFERENT ORGANIZATIONS.)

Me: (trying to think of an answer that doesn't sound completely patronizing) "Actually, that event's called the AWIB's annual conference because it is run by AWIB, which is a different organization. That's not our event."

Her: "Oh. Okay, where's this event?"

Me: "I think AWIB gave that information in the calendar, but check their website. It's AWIB.org."

Her: "Say it more slowly."

Me: (increasingly sure that I am being Punk'd) "A...W...I...B.org."

Her: "A...W...what was it again?"

Me: : "A...........W.............I...........B...............org."

Her: "Okay. Are you sure this is accurate?"

Me: "YES."

Her: "Great. Now, who is the contact person for this organization?"

Me: (actually, I do have a contact person at AWIB, but hell if I'm giving it to her) "I don't know. It's not our event, we're just posting it on our website as a courtesy."

Her: "How much is the event?"

Me: "It's not our event, so I wouldn't know."

Her: "Can I get some kind of discount to this event?"

It should be clear to all that I cannot work in any job that involves interacting with people. I don't have the temperament for it.